Tips on how to deal with grief

YoungMinds is a children’s mental health charity with a clear vision: to see a world where no young person feels alone with their mental health. The YoungMinds blog  is a place where young people can share their experiences, use their voice to support others, and contribute their stories to a number of monthly themes.

Artswork have been encouraging young people currently employed as part of our third Kickstart cohort to contribute their writing to the site.

This month, Communications Assistant Sophie Jones has responded to the theme of Grief.

Grief is a strong, overwhelming emotion and losing someone or something we love and feel close to is extremely difficult and painful, whatever your loss, it’s personal to you, so don’t feel ashamed about how you feel, or believe that it’s somehow only appropriate to grieve for certain things. Whatever the cause of your grief, there are healthy ways to cope with the pain that, in time, can ease your sadness and help you come to terms with your loss, find new meaning, and eventually move on with your life. 

A person can experience grief from a series of things, including:  

• Relationship breakup 
• Losing a job 
• Death of a pet  
• A loved one’s serious illness 
• Loss of a friendship 

My mother experienced the loss of her father at 17, I asked her about the grief, the pain, the healing, and how it changed her.  

“My father died from cancer – six months of illness. Towards the end he was in so much pain, I prayed for him to find peace and be pain free – but then he’d go into a sleep, a deep sleep for days and I’d pray he woke up so I could speak to him one more time” 

“When I was a teenager, I was stubborn, little things mattered, loosing my father, was the worst pain I had ever experienced. It was the saddest time of my life, But his death taught me a new way of life and changed my perspective completely – I now knew I could find a solution everything but death.

“After he died, I had a dream that my father came to me and we hugged,  he started falling to the ground and I tried to lift him, but he was so heavy – it felt real. I kept shouting to the rest of the family for help.I believe he came back to say goodbye “ 

Grief is confusing and sad and painful, but those feelings aren’t everlasting, Here are some of our suggestions on ways to cope for young people struggling with grief:

• Taking care of your needs.  

Being selfish, doing what you need to do in order to grieve. Allow yourself to feel whatever it is you feel: anger, sadness, even relief. The emotions that accompany grief are all valid. Make sure you’re making time for naps, food, and water. Your grief is your own and no one else can tell you when it’s time to ‘move on’ or ‘get over it’. 

Grief is exhausting, care for your body during periods of intensive stress. Carve out time for naps, eat nourishing foods, and drink plenty of water. 

You can try to suppress your grief, but you can’t avoid it forever. In order to heal, you have to acknowledge the pain. Trying to avoid feelings of sadness and loss only prolongs the grieving process.  

Your grief is your own, and no one else can tell you when it’s time to “move on” or “get over it.” Let yourself feel whatever you feel without embarrassment or judgment. It’s okay to be angry, to yell at the heavens, to cry or not to cry. It’s also okay to laugh, to find moments of joy, and to let go when you’re ready. 

• Reaching out for support  

The pain of grief can often cause you to want to withdraw from others and retreat into your shell. But having the face-to-face support of other people is vital to healing from loss. Even if you’re not comfortable talking about your feelings under normal circumstances, it’s important to express them when you’re grievingFinding the strength to express your feeling when grieving is so important, Now is the time to lean on the people who care about you, rather than avoiding them. 

Often, people want to help but don’t know how, so tell them what you need—whether it’s a shoulder to cry on, a listening ear, or just someone to hang out with. 

• Consider Seeking Professional Help And Find Outlets For Meaning And Expression. 

As well as seeking out professional help and visiting the YoungMinds website for support, consider finding a creative outlet. Art Therapist, Lucy Smith, who’s worked at Aspire Schools Multi Academy Trust for 4 years, reflected on the importance of art therapy since leading young people in Art psychotherapy as part of our ‘Buckinghamshire Better Lives Through Culture’ programme: 

“Many themes have been explored in art therapy by our young people, including anger, frustration, being seen, being helped, being understood, loss and grief and friendships, just to name a few.”  

“One young person seems to have used the art therapy space to grieve and accept loss, to express worries and hopes about their future whilst thinking about issues from the past and to explore her self-esteem and self-confidence.”